Maroon 5-"V" Review

By the fall of 2014, Maroon 5 had completed its evolution (or devolution, depending on how you look at it) from a blue-eyed soul/rock quintet to glossy pop act, featuring Adam Levine's shirtless body. Previewing the bands fifth album, simply titled "V", they released lead single "Maps", a track so similar to Nico and Vinz's "Am I Wrong?" you would think that Levine had eavesdropped on the recording sessions. That, or maybe our favorite shirtless heartthrob is more aware than he's been letting on. In short, that's the statement that "V" implicitly makes: Maroon 5 is a band of the times. So when pop music shifted from the butt-shaking EDM of LMFAO and Justin Bieber to the indietronic flavors of Lorde, the retro R&B Justin Timberlake hauled in with "The 20/20 Experience", and the arrival of Austin Mahone re-contextualizing the Backstreet Boys for the modern era, Maroon 5 took note of these more tasteful styles, and thus, Adam put his shirt back on. Whereas the grotesque "Overexposed" pushed his band's vulgarity to the limit, "V" is a more stylish affair. Electronics remain present, either to provide ambient noise or a low-synth wobble of "Feelings", a standard drum-kit makes its long-awaited return to a Maroon 5 album on the half-way point "Leaving California", and besides the plain pop song "Maps", its successor "Animals" also plays off the energetic pop blueprint. This one-two jolt of pop may have been designed to get the album started with vigor, but it's not particularly interesting, either. It's not until the third song, the industrial-flavored "It Was Always You", when "V" becomes more than just a singles-n-filler collection. Elsewhere, the lite-EDM track "Coming Back for You" offers some low-key relief from the tried and true practices of channeling Justin Timberlake channeling Michael Jackson. "Sugar", for example, plays off of "Off the Wall"-styled disco, complete with vocal hiccups and falsetto. And when the songs don't pay homage to MJ, then Austin Mahone becomes the cornerstone, with teeny-pop "Unkiss Me" and "New Love" included in the mix. This seemingly unholy hybrid of retro meets modern may not be the best theoretical construction of an album, but it holds up surprisingly well. It's oddly satisfying, too, when the closer "My Heart is Open" rolls around, Gwen Stefani blends her vocals with Adam's to complete a song that's neither retro nor modern, just happily no-nonsense singer-songwriter stuff. All of Maroon 5's signature album traits remain in tact: no songs over four minutes, Adam Levine at the fore, and music that exists pleasantly in the background as well as on the radio. It's just too bad that not one song on "V" actually sounds like Maroon 5. 

Recommended Tracks in Bold:

1. Maps                      2. Animals                  3. It Was Always You

4. Unkiss Me              5. Sugar                      6. Leaving California

7. In Your Pocket       8. New Love               9. Coming Back for You

10. Feelings                11. My Heart is Open

Ariana Grande-"My Everything" Review

Ariana Grande made history with "Yours Truly", her debut album released almost exactly a year ago, when it debuted atop the Billboard 200, becoming only the fifteenth solo female artist to top the chart with a debut album. The honor validated her status as one of pop's most engaging performers, even if the album responsible didn't offer a signature sound. Sure, it featured alot of Grande's voice, and even threw in a couple of catchy, fizzy pop tunes, but overall it turned out to be somewhat of a disappointment. Its mix of lite-Hip/Hop, R&B, and breezy pop didn't sustain well in the mainstream, and seemed quite outdated by the spring of 2014. Already proven to be a masterful strategist, however, Grande released the Iggy Azalea-assisted "Problem", a sassy pop track produced by Britney's hit maker Max Martin. It showed a sexier side to the Nickelodeon star, like Cat Valentine graduating from high school and venturing into an adventurous college life. Of course, Grande wants to be seen as more than a character on TV, and much of her sophomore album, "My Everything", is built upon this foundation. Gone are the doe-eyed R&B tunes and in their place stand a hodge-podge of EDM, Pop, Hip/Hop, Soul, and a couple of piano ballads for good measure. Unfortunately, what Grande decided to keep from her last record was a ridiculous amount of guest-appearances, mostly from rappers, none of which make the most of their verses (excepting the aforementioned Iggy Azalea). Also in-tact is the laundry list of songwriters and producers all trying to make Ariana Grande stand above her peers as pop's reigning princess. Perhaps this wouldn't have been a problem if the quality of musical coherence and lyrical grace were favored over throwing the kitchen sink at the listener and seeing which songs were hits or misses. Obviously, the rap-assisted songs are mostly misses, some quite frankly embarrassing ("Best Mistake" ---ironic, huh?---and "Hands on Me" being the worst offenders), while the songs with an EDM-twist are bearable (Zedd producing the best cut "Break Free"). The filler in between present some nice ideas, but too often sink into mediocre R&B-blandness, not too far off the track from "Yours Truly". Standing out amongst the murk is "Love Me Harder", a song that pulsates on a sultry groove while The Weeknd provides the only good guest appearance here. The undercutting theme of severing ties from an old-flame is long forgotten, since "My Everything" covers far too much ground to be coherent, it cannot find its way through all the hooplah. Ariana Grande is a fine singer, with a technical skill far exceeding her pop peers, but for the second time in a row she has failed to show anything more beyond potential. She certainly can't be billed as the innocent sweet girl that sang "Yours Truly" anymore, but "My Everything" also does not fulfill its purpose of separating her from that persona. And that's highly unfortunate, because "My Everything" had all the potential in the world; it just didn't know how to use it.

Recommended Tracks in Bold:

1. Intro                                    2. Problem                                       3. One Last Time

4. Why Try                             5. Break Free                                  6. Best Mistake

7. Be My Baby                        8. Break Your Heart Right Back    9. Love Me Harder

10. Just a Little Bit of Your Heart    11. Hands on Me      12. My Everything

Serving the Military: My Summer in the Express (Part 1)

First things first, what the heck is an "Express"? Well essentially it's just the gas station side of a PX. What is a PX you ask? That, my good friends, is like a mini-Walmart where soldiers can get a whole variety of things, from new uniforms to blankets to flat screen TVs to health and beauty products. 

Now that we got that out of the way, today's post is about what it's REALLY like to work in the gas station part of the PX. There's a common misconception that the US military are all full of good-hearted, kind human beings that are selfless and are incredibly easy to work with. I will tell you right freaking now, that is NOT the case. 

Throughout the summer of 2014 I served the most stupid, wasteful, bitchy individuals that I have ever seen in my life. I was completely appalled at how hoards upon hoards of soldiers would just waltz into the PX and expect that us workers could perform God-like service with the few people we have working there (for the record this PX is located in Fort McCoy, Wisconsin, and is not big at all compared to the monstrous sizes of other PXs). But it doesn't stop there: the management actually expects us to work in what we call 'Snack Avenue' (where the roller grills, soda machines and sandwiches/burritos/calzones/wraps are) while we have to serve thousands of people (and it has to be fully stocked and updated at all times of the day. Yeah good luck with that one). Oh and did I mentioned only one person is allowed to run Snack Avenue at a time? And then said person is supposed to clean up Snack Avenue at the end of the day?

More on that later. Right now, let's continue into the (not-so) wondrous world of being an Express worker. So I categorized my customers into three often overlapping groups: stupid, wasteful, bitchy. I know you were probably offended that I could ever call the sacred military those words, but why don't I show you first hand the wretched customers I serve on a daily basis? Throughout the next part of this post, I will recall a variety of scenarios that made me lose virtually all faith in the military (as well as humanity). I will start with what the customer said/did, and I will respond to what I WISH I could've said; the thoughts that were screaming in my mind but could never say to risk of losing my source of income. 

Category #1 (my favorite): STUPID
Customer: *Opens warmer under the roller grill. Opens cabinets under the warmer* "Excuse me sir, where are your hot dog buns?"
Me: I don't know, maybe in the cabinet to your left that says 'Fresh Buns Inside'?

Customer: "Hey do you have Copenhagen wintergreen"?
Me: "I only have pouches"
Customer: "Okay"
*I bring him a tin of copenhagen wintergreen pouches*
Customer: "Yeah but do you have the ones without the pouches?"

Customer: "Hey I'll have a tin of Grizzly Mint pouches please"
*I bring him a tin of Grizzly Mint pouches*
Customer: "Those are pouches"
Me: "Yeah, that's what you said"
Customer: "No it's not."
Me: Sir I will shove this can of chew down your trachea

Customer: "The pad says 'Enter Pin or Press Cancel for Credit', what does that mean?"
Me: Gee, I think it means that you should enter your pin number for your debit card, or press the red cancel button to run it as a credit card

Customer: "The pad is asking if I want a receipt, what do all these options (print, email, both, none) mean?"
Me: Man, that pin pad is so cryptic isn't it? #sarcasm

Customer: "Hey can I have a pack of Camel menthol please?"
*I bring a pack of Camel menthol*
Customer: "No I said Marlboro menthol 100s"
Me: Sir I will strangle you with your own cat-eye band

Customer: "What do you have in wintergreen chew?"
Me: "Nothing, I don't have any wintergreen in any brand"
Customer: "Do you have copenhagen wintergreen?"
Me: "No, I just said I don't"
Customer: "Do you have Grizzly?"
Me: "No sir, I DON'T HAVE ANY WINTERGREEN IN ANY BRAND"
Customer: "What?! You don't have any wintergreen in copenhagen OR grizzly?"
Me: *Screams for eternity and a half*

Me: "Sir, it looks like this item isn't ringing up"
Customer: "Just enter in the price it's $2.69"
Me: You know you're at the PX and not Wal-Mart, right?

Customer: "Oh no, you don't have ANY of the cigarrettes/chew I want?" *Stands there for ages, somehow expecting me to just pull a pack of smokes out of my ass*
Me: Sir, I'm a cashier, not a miracle worker

Customer: "What? You can check out Express items at Military clothing and Customer Service and PowerZone and not have to wait in these super long lines?"
Me: No, we're just telling you that to make you walk around the store more. For your health. It's very important to us, you know. #moresarcasm

Customer: "What?? You can get cigarettes at ANY register in the Express?"
Me: DUH. What, do you need me to spell it out on paper?! (Actually scratch that, even if we did these morons still wouldn't get it")

Customer: "How are you guys all out of chew?"
Me: Gee I wonder. It's not like we don't have a bus of 30+ soliders coming every 15 minutes. And we definitely don't have to serve all 8000-15000 troops we have on base right now. Every single day. #sarcasmtothemax

Customer: "Why are you guys so busy all the time?"
Me: See the above response^

I personally love it when the Express cashiers turn their lights on, no one will go to their register. But as soon as we turn our lights off, EVERYBODY comes to our registers. Or they'll ask these commonly asked questions:

Me: *Turns my light off to signal I'm closing down*
Customer: "Hey are you open?"
Me: No sir, I just turned my light off to save energy and help the environment

Me: *Turns my light on to signal that I'm opening up*
Customer: "Hey are you open?"
Me: No sir, I just turned my light on to brighten the place up a bit. These huge windows certainly don't let in enough sunlight

And then of course, the most stupid, unintelligent people I have to deal with go something like this:
Customer: "What? I can't buy tobacco,alcohol, or gas without a military ID/with an expired ID?"
Me: I don't get it either, seeing as how the PX is a store for the military and not ordinary civilians. I'm sure your commanding officer won't take your uniform away if I let you buy it anyway, even though he/she specifically said that you need to have your unexpired military ID with you at all times. 

Customer: "I don't have a military ID. Will my driver's license work?"
Me: See above scenario^

So yeah. I deal with all of these situations every day at work for 6-8 hours, and then I have to get up and do it all again the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that...
Seriously though, these people are so dumb I don't understand how they passed their ASVAB. And here's the zinger: these specific soldiers will eventually go overseas and defend the US in combat. Yeah; just let that sink in for a minute.

Join me later when I delve into how wasteful these stupid-heads are. Trust me, all that glitters sure as hell ain't gold.

Artists in My iTunes Library

In case anybody ever thought that my musical tastes weren't diverse or random enough, let's take a peek into my iTunes Library and see what I currently and have in the past listened to. No filter, no alterations, no omissions, these artists are for real on my computer at this very moment:

Adele
Alanis Morissette
Aly & AJ
Ariana Grande
Ashlee Simpson
Ashley Tisdale
Avril Lavigne
Benny Benassi
Beyonce
Britney Spears
Calvin Harris
Carly Rae Jepsen
Cascada
Charlotte Church
Cher
Christina Aguilera
Christina Perri
Daft Punk
David Guetta
Death Cab for Cutie
Demi Lovato
Des'ree
Dido
Disclosure
Donna Lewis
Ellie Goulding
Enya
Evanescence
Fiona Apple
Gwen Stefani
Hilary Duff
Icona Pop
Iggy Azalea
Jennifer Lopez
Jewel
JoJo
Kacey Musgraves
Karmin
Kaskade
Katy B
Katy Perry
Katy Rose
Ke$ha
Kelis
Kelly Clarkson
The Key of Awesome
Krewella
Kylie Minogue
Lady Gaga
Lana Del Rey
Lea Michele
Lily Allen
Lindsay Lohan
Liz Phair
Lorde
M.I.A.
Madonna
Mariah Carey
Maroon 5
Michelle Branch
Miley Cyrus
Miranda Cosgrove
Miranda Lambert
Missy Elliot
Nelly Furtado
Owl City
P!nk
Paramore
Peaches
Pistol Annies
Port Blue
The Postal Service
The Pussycat Dolls
Rebecca Black
Rihanna
Sarah McLachlan
Selena Gomez
Shakira
Shania Twain
Sheryl Crow
Shiny Toy Guns
Shontelle
Sia
Sixpence None the Richer
Sky Sailing
Skye Sweetnam
Spice Girls
Swimming with Dolphins
t.A.T.u
Tata Young
Taylor Swift
Tears for Fears
Tegan and Sara
The Veronicas
Weird Al Yankovic
Zedd

Iggy Azalea-"The New Classic" Review

You'd be forgiven if you mistook Aussie-born Amethyst Kelly (a.k.a. Iggy Azalea) for Karmin front-woman Amy Heidemann. They both come from well-to-do backgrounds, shamelessly streamline Nicki Minaj into white-rap culture, fake a "blaccent", and specialize in sharply-tongued hip/hop-pop (it's probably not a coincidence that the two have platinum blonde hair as well). Then when you have song titles like "Fancy", "Goddess", "Lady Patra", and add in lines like "First things first, I'm the realest", it's awfully hard not to associate the two women who constantly feel the need to reassert their musicality and star power. But while they have that in common, what sets them apart is that Azalea is primarily a rapper, not a singer trying to be a rapper like Heidemann, so her flow is more fully formed, and does a much better job at being the white Nicki Minaj. Azalea also picks better collaborators, ones who play on her strengths, instead of showcasing her nagging flaws (ahem Nick Noonan and The Elev3n). Also, as shallow as her backstory may seem, "The New Classic" does a good job of weaving the elements of perseverance and hard work into some hooky hip/hop. You of course have "Fancy", featuring Charli XCX which shines as one of the most fun tracks here, second only to the trappy "New Bitch", one of the few songs on this record set in a major key. Oddly, the middle/back-half of "The New Classic" contains the most upbeat songs, because the beginning of the album doesn't try too hard in the way of grabbing interest. In fact, Azalea sounds more defeated in "Walk the Line" and "Don't Need Ya'll", rather than the triumphant underdog persona that's present in "Work" and "Impossible is Nothing". All four songs ride the same trend of rising above everyone else, but they don't seem to connect with each other in the way that an album should. That same disconnect could be applied to Iggy Azalea in general: a young, pretty model from Australia who dated A$AP Rocky and was mentored by T.I. had to work hard for this rapping career? Of course she left home at 16 to pursue it, but still, the fact that she had the privilege to make that choice at all kind of goes against the whole premise that "The New Classic" is built on. 

At face value, the songs are catchy enough to rival Nicki Minaj's pop/rap blends, though aren't as distinctive. Azalea has fun with it all, even when she confronts the issues of love, money, and fame, she delivers it with the same no fucks given swagger that for a moment outshines the two big, interrelated problems here. The first, is that while Azalea would like to be a progressive rap artist like Nicki Minaj or Missy Elliot, there's not a "Super Bass" or "Supa Dupa Fly" on this record, far and away from being 'classic'. The second, is that she can fake the hood look and aesthetic, but it's just not enough to act the part. It's something that you have to be, and Azalea's boasting of diamonds, self-sufficiency, and wealthy men don't exactly evoke the thug life. But maybe she doesn't want to be the next Jay-Z, Kanye, or Eminem; for all of her bling and swagger, she might just want to be steadily on the fringes of rap and pop, pulling elements from both genres so that she can please either audience. Needless to say it doesn't always work, but for better or for worse, "The New Classic" has brought what could be the next generation of rap/pop. We'll see.

Recommended Tracks in Bold:

1. Walk the Line      2. Don’t Need Y’all                 3. 100

4. Change Your Life  5. Fancy                                 6. New Bitch

7. Work                       8. Impossible is Nothing 9. Goddess

10. Black Widow        11. Lady Patra                         12. Fuck Love

Sia-"1000 Forms of Fear" Review

It's no secret that time can change an artist and their intentions for their music. Sia, however, doesn't quite fit into that mold. Of course her sound switches to contemporary pop with each passing album, but her visions remains the same. Scorned love songs and self-empowerment anthems are abundant as ever with Sia's sixth album, "1000 Forms of Fear" (a title about as Sia-esque as they come), and she also continues to foray into harder synth-pop, lite hip/hop, and some urban grooves that Rihanna could've pulled off with equal efficiency (of course without the intense emotional connection of Sia, as sings each note here as if it were ripped from her soul). But, instead of losing her charm as she slowly increases accessibility to her albums, the pop hooks and insistent beats only enchance her unique songwriting style (which has been exploited to the hilt in 2010's anthems such as "Diamonds", "Titanium", and "Wild Ones"). Her idiosyncratic voice continues to find perfect environments for it to roam and showcase the shapes and bends that Sia pulls off better than her diva songwriting clients (here's looking at you Beyonce and Christina). Best of all, the songs are more consistently catchy than in any one of her previous albums, so appreciating this record as a piece is much easier than the more varied "We Are Born". It may not be as left-field as its predecessor, or as expertly produced as "Some People Have Real Problems", but it's also the first time in Sia's career that she embraces her introverted nature (note the album cover, which dons the Sia bob, but not her face), and in writing songs about triumph for other artists, she continues to save her best material for her own albums. Because let's face it, only she could pull off a song like "Chandelier", a Rihanna meets Miley anthem about swinging from those light fixtures while drunk, and elicit nary an eye bat from any listener. 

Recommended Tracks in Bold:

1. Chandelier                       2. Big Girls Cry        3. Burn the Pages

4. Eye of the Needle              5. Hostage                  6. Straight for the Knife

7. Fair Game                          8. Elastic Heart          9. Free the Animal

10. Fire Meet Gasoline      11. Cellophane         12. Dressed in Black

Best of 2014...So Far!!!

So 2014 is officially half-way done. Wow, it seems that it just started, huh? Well it's been hella busy for me. So much so, that I've barely gotten a chance to keep up on the latest in music, and keeping up with this blog...ooops. Anyway, I thought I'd do a half-year recap of the best and worst in music so far in 2014!

Best Songs (in no particular order)

Katy Perry and Juicy J-Dark Horse

Imagine Dragons-Demons

Lorde-Team

Ellie Goulding-Burn

PitBull and Kesha-Timber

Pharrell-Happy

Beyonce and Jay Z-Drunk in Love

Jason Derulo and 2 Chainz-Talk Dirty

John Legend-All Of Me

Shakira and Rihanna-Can’t Remember to Forget You

Idina Menzel-Let It Go

Bastille-Pompeii

A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera-Say Something

One Republic-Counting Stars

Passenger-Let Her Go

Aloe Blacc-The Man

Iggy Azalea and Charlie XCX-Fancy

Ariana Grande and Iggy Azalea-Problem

Avicii-Hey Brother

DJ Snake and Lil Jon-Turn Down for What

Justin Timberlake-Not a Bad Thing

Christina Perri-Human

DJ Zedd and Hayley Williams-Stay The Night

American Authors-The Best Day of My Life

Paramore-Ain’t It Fun?

Sam Smith-Stay With Me

Nico and Vinz-Am I Wrong?

Magic!-Rude

Jason Derulo and Snoop Dogg-Wiggle

Best Albums (in no particular order)

Lana Del Rey-Ultraviolence

Miranda Lambert-Platinum

Shakira-Shakira

Kylie Minogue-Kiss Me Once

Lea Michele-Louder

Jennifer Lopez-AKA

Sarah McLachlan-Shine On

Mariah Carey-Me. I Am Mariah...The Elusive Chanteuse

Lily Allen-Sheezus

Christina Perri-Head or Heart

Kelis-Food

Pharrell-Girl

Bruce Springsteen-High Hopes

A Great Big World-Is There Anybody Out There?

Eric Church-The Outsiders

Coldplay-Ghost Stories

Ed Sheeran-X

Artists of the Year

Iggy Azalea

Ariana Grande

Lorde

Pharrell

PitBull

Katy Perry

Worst Artists

One Direction

Justin Bieber

Robin Thicke

Kanye West

Most Cringe-Worthy Event

It's a toss-up between Biebs' multiple arrests and Selena Gomez's partying. It's like they were made for each other :P

Best Music Events

2014 Grammys (Shout out to Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, you guys are awesome)

Best Breakthrough Artists

Iggy Azalea

Charli XCX

John Legend (scored his first true hit this year)

A Great Big World

Passenger

Bastille

Sam Smith

Magic!

Let's see who will make the cut on the final year-end lists, coming mid-December!!