Madonna-"Hard Candy" Review

"Having sex with you is incredible", Madonna says in "Incredible", the seventh track on her eleventh album, "Hard Candy". While it's no secret that sex has fueled much of Madonna's music, there's a distinct irony in her explicit mumblings on "Hard Candy". True, she openly explored the subject back in 1992, with "Erotica" and her coffee table book Sex. Both offered many suggestive songs and images, but that's the point, they were suggestive, not explicit. "Hard Candy" isn't suggestive, nor does it even try to toy with sensuality; it's ruthlessly pornographic (the audio to a bottom-barrell, lite porn, but still cheap pornography all the same). Then there's a distinct awkwardness considering "Hard Candy" was released in 2008, a full sixteen years after Madonna already dissected the topic of sex (Magellan circled the globe in a quarter that time, but then again is anyone really counting?). Perhaps if she were still in her 20s and she had yet to find her sexual identity, she could possibly get away with it, but on the edge of 50 (and a full 25 years into her career), Madonna has no viable excuse to still be obsessed with the matter. Therefore, you have to wonder if she's running back to safe territory, as her previous releases of the 2000s have been her least successful.

Indeed, Madonna may finally be admitting that she's no longer on the cutting edge, and instead of working tirelessly to expand her music, she holds on to her comfort zone. She's certainly stepped well outside of it before in "Ray of Light" and "Like a Prayer", but they were also released at a time when it was still possible to score a crossover hit. An artist as sharp as Madonna knows that the late 2000s have pretty much obscured the Top 40, so she cedes her strong melodic foundation to rhythm and beats, all supplied by the Neptunes and the production team of Timbaland and Justin Timberlake. In theory, this would be a smart play as they've produced some of the biggest hits of the decade, and in certain moments the collaborations click. "Candy Shop", while certainly overcooked, showcases Pharrell's knack for slick and stylish beats, while "Devil Wouldn't Recognize You" and "Dance 2Night" capture Timbaland's finest examples of deep, hip-hop grooves. Then there's "Miles Away", one of the few moments where Madonna actually has something heavy to say (maybe things aren't alright in the house of Guy Ritchie?). It stands out easily because it's one of the few cuts on "Hard Candy" that reminds us that Madonna, a shameless provocateur, is still present in the joylessly mechanical creations that surround it. In actuality, the loud synths and stale hip-hop productions are what work against "Hard Candy". Pharrell and Timba-Lake are good producers, but only when given a task. Much of this album relies on them alone, as if Madonna has just handed the reigns over to her collaborators to sweeten up this piece of stale candy. That's not the best way to make an album, but maybe it's the best that Madonna could do in 2008, as her mind is tellingly focused on the greener grass of Interscope. But it would have been better to end her career with Warner on a more positive note, as all we're left with is an overwrought, overproduced, and under cooked product that's joylessly mundane and simply much too long. This is easily Madonna at her worst, and the overt sexuality that underscores "Hard Candy" isn't just awkward, it's embarrassing.

Recommended Tracks in Bold:

1. Candy Shop        2. 4 Minutes                                    3. Give It 2 Me

4. Heartbeat              5. Miles Away                                 6. She’s Not Me

7. Incredible              8. Beat Goes On                               9. Dance 2Night

10. Spanish Lesson  11. Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You    12. Voices